Our website is centered around helping you create a perfect wedding, however that can’t happen until your guy ask you to marry him, and you say yes.
In your opinion the two of you are a perfect match, you’ve been dating for quite some time, you have multiple things in common, then why hasn’t he popped the question?
Some psychologists say, even if the two of you fit together perfectly, that is not enough for some men to take the next step. Some of the need a little push.
However, a push at the wrong time could cause more problems than it solves. Of course, he’s looking for a woman, hopefully, you, and a relationship where the two of you are compatible. But there’s a little more to the equation than just that, a man must be marriage ready and therein lays the psychology of the equation.
In fact, a study of already married men stated that 81% of them said, they asked their wife to marry them because they felt it was time to get married.
So what exactly is it that makes a man ready to take the plunge? Seemingly, it’s not based purely on meeting the right woman, but also on his biological clock. Thus, if you meet the perfect man and the timing is wrong, the marriage proposal may never come. With that thought in mind, what are the common factors that make a man ready to make this major life commitment?
The Capacity to Love Someone
It takes a certain maturity, for a man truly to love a woman. In this case were not talking about the wonder lust of your first weeks together, when time seems to stand still, rather that subtle change inside that makes you feel this is the woman I want to spend my life with.
This kind of love is more than simple emotions and comes from deep within. When a man loves a woman he looks past imperfections, which we all have, and sees her as a true individual, not simply an idealistic dream to be set on a pedestal.
The Test of Time
It is fairly easy for two people to fall in love, much of it is biological, those little factors that makes our heart race, and look at the other person with adoration. After the initial romantic buzz of love has run its course, and the two of you know each other intimately both physically and mentally, this is when true love will potentially turn to a marriage proposal. If a man truly love you; he will stay; while of the relationship was based purely on lust, it may soon fizzle and die.
Relationships are based on give-and-take, while true love is based on caring for the other person more than yourself. Use your man ready to commit? You’ll know he is if he puts you ahead of himself, caring more for your needs than his, which is the beginning of true and lasting love.
Loving You in Spite of Your Imperfections
If you’re a person, then you’re not perfect. This is simply a fact of life, however, love is blind, so at the beginning of most relationships, we fail to see the imperfections in one another. Or, the other person may not truly be acting as themselves, rather mask a rating as an individual they feels is who you want to see. And of course, the reverse is also true women often put on airs to attract a man.
Intellectually, we realize that no relationship or person is perfect, and that to make a marriage and relationship truly work, we have to lookbeyond the imperfections, and see the true heart of the person. However, this is easy to think of intellectually, not quite as easy to put into practice.
When It’s Time to Get Married out Get Married
While few men would voice that statement adamantly, subconsciously that is a very true statement. As an example will illustrate a relationship that a client of mine had, will call him Tom. Tom was in a serious relationship with a wonderful woman, but seemingly the timing was not right. After a time the couple separated each going their separate ways. Later, Tom met a nether woman with whom he seemed compatible; they dated for about two years, then he asked her to marry him. Had he met this same woman a few years earlier, they may have broken up, as did Tom’s prior relationship, which would have been based on timing and maturity, not specifically the textbook definition of love.
Often Men, having an ideal of a woman, wanting her to be perfect in every way, which is unrealistic. However either consciously or subconsciously they are looking for perfection, and should they not find it, they will begin to build walls while increasing the emotional distance from the other. This distance often serves as an excuse to end the relationship. Again, this is not necessarily based on love, but timing and maturity.
Ready for a Rough Ride
Imagine a river flowing gently and serenely, then encountering rocks becoming a rapid, with raging waters and turbulent eddies. Now think of this same scenario, but imagine a relationship that moves steadily forward serenely, pleasurably dating, enjoying life, then all of a sudden around the bend comes the rapids, the difficulties of life. If a man is truly committed, and mature enough to understand what he sees, he will handle the rough areas helping you navigate the rapids, and allowing the two of you to push past the difficulties to the calm waters ahead. Conversely, many men are simply not ready for the difficulties of life, and the troubles and travails of a long-term relationship. This isn’t something you can tell by simply looking at a man, this is a characteristic, that will only be revealed under adversity.
This doesn’t mean that even the right man, won’t sigh, thinking of the difficulties he must navigate. The will simply realize internally, that this is part of life, and will soldier on, making the relationship stronger, rather than running for the nearest exit.
Ego and Expectations
Today, gender bias is theoretically a thing of the past. Sometimes the woman in the relationship is the breadwinner, and house husbands are no longer a stigma. And even though that is the theory of this modern age, in real life if a man does not measure up as the breadwinner, often he feels inadequate. Additionally, many women still feel that a man needs to bring home the bacon. There is nothing wrong with either side of the scenario; however, if a man does feel this way, he will often put off a marriage proposal, feeling he cannot measure up to the expectations he believes the woman has. This is based on ego, and if the two are truly in love, this is sometimes an obstacle that can be overcome with time.
According to The National Marriage Project, a large percentage of men feel they should not get married until they can afford to properly take care of a wife. In most cases, this means providing a good home and having an expensive wedding
The Back Burner
As illustrated above, most men want to be in a position to properly provide for a wife and family. However there is more to the equation than just that, if a man is pursuing a career, climbing the corporate ladder, or diligently studying to become a doctor or a lawyer, they are likely stressed both financially, intellectually, and emotionally. With those thoughts in mind, they will often put romance, and finding the perfect spouse, on the back burner until such a time as they reach their goal.
This does not necessarily mean, that he will never pop the question. Simply means these in the middle of a stressful life, and does not yet have the wherewithal to take on the added responsibility of marriage. Depending on the dynamic between the two of you, you’ll need to decide on whether to wait for him to reach his goal, and the two of you to become a man in wife, or to move on to other pastures. There is no right or wrong answer to that, as that is very much a personal decision. However, remember that patience is often a virtue.
Young Men Will Often Wish to Play the Field, meeting and dating a variety of women. There’s nothing wrong with that, and we are certainly not making a judgment, rather stating that maturity will eventually change the equation. There will come a time when the man will look for something more serious, than a fleeting weekend romance. There is no set date for this, as men mature at different rates, with some becoming marriage material in their early 20s, while early 30s is much more the norm.
Most men will hope to meet the love of their life, their soul-mate, some when they can build a future with. And, as mentioned above, while maturity comes to men at different points in their lives, the people they associate with, can have a strong, but the subliminal influence on how they react towards marriage. Meaning, if their friends begin to meet the woman of their dreams, get married, settling down, possibly even having children, it will likely affect your man’s reflective nature.
Everything mentioned to this point is to give women a glimpse into the mind of man. And while this is not a definitive look, and certainly their particular man may be slightly or radically different, let this serve as ammunition for your wedding plans.
If the man you are dating, is the one you truly feel you want to walk life together, then it may be necessary to give them a gentle, or not so gentle, nudge in the wedding/marriage direction. This shouldn’t be done in a mean or negative way, but a serious discussion should be had about the future of the two of you. If your man is in the middle of pursuing a goal, perfectly fine to say, that when they reach their goal, that’s the time that marriage should be seriously considered. Of course, the way you ask it and the timing of your question needs to be carefully considered. It’s never wise to push someone into a corner, demanding answers. Remember, more flies can be caught with honey than with vinegar.
Sometimes a man will have a passion for a sport or hobby that simply drives you mad. Meaning, you have no interest and wish he didn’t either. However, it’s his passion, and he spends every weekend pursuing it with abandon. If you can picture something like that in your man, and if that passion is coming between the two of you, one of you needs to change their priority. If he’s not willing to give up something that is offensive to you, then possibly he’s not the right person. Conversely, are you willing to change your priorities to strengthen the relationship between the two of you? This is a two-way street, and careful consideration will needs be given.
Some guys are indecisive. That’s simply part of their nature. They are not so much afraid of committing to you personally, rather than the mere idea of making such a life-changing decision. This is understandable to a degree, since if he asks you to marry him, and you say yes, both of your lives will be radically changed, hopefully for the better. However, that can’t happen if he never popped the question. This is a nether time for a deep and soulful conversation. If you feel he is the right person for you, then you need to set a point in time, which could be a week, a month, or a year, when he needs to make a decision. You could simply say, that you love him, and want him in your life, but he needs to make the call, either yes to marriage, or no to the relationship.
NOTE: if you decide to make this ultimatum, you need to make it seriously, then stick with it. So don’t make this ultimatum without a serious amount of forethought.
Life is a journey, and hopefully, we can take it with someone we love, our soulmate, someone we can build a life with, a family with, someone we can grow old with happily and still be in love. Who that person is, is up to you to find and cultivate. We wish you happiness and love, and when the time does come for your wedding bells. We hope you’ll find our website a good and helpful resource.