Imagine this scenario; you’re walking along a beautiful path, there are flowers, streams, birds, wildlife and the temperature is perfect. The sky is blue with only a few wisps blowing gently by. It’s an ideal journey, one you’ve been hoping to walk for years. There is only one problem, but it’s far off in the distance, it’s a cliff face and to get past it, you have to take a leap of faith and step out into the unknown. Each day, each step brings you closer until you begin to forget the beauty around you, focusing instead on the cliff ahead. This is much like planning for a wedding; you’ve been hoping to meet that perfect person, the man or woman you plan to spend your life with. When the question is asked, and you say, “yes,” it’s as if the clouds clear, the sun comes out and inside you break out in song. You can’t stop smiling, telling your friends, posting on Facebook and Instagram, scouring Pinterest for ideas, you’re in heaven. Then day by day the stress begins to mount as you come closer and closer to the big day. As the decisions come a mile a minute and obstacles rear their ugly head, you begin to forget the fantasy, the inspiration, the love welling up inside and instead start to get bogged down with the reality of the big day.
No, stop it. This is going to be the best day of your life, the beginning of a fantastic life together and I want you to focus on that thought, not the problems, which we all have to face. But not to worry, I’m going to show you how to do exactly that.
Take a Breath and Relax
The most important person in this scenario is you, so let’s take some “me time.” Find a few minutes when you can be completely alone, close your eyes, take a deep breath, let it out slowly and imagine. Imagine in your mind’s eye the perfect wedding, everything is exactly how you want it to be, there are no issues, no family squabbles, no tardy vendors, no problems at all, just the perfect day and the perfect wedding, your wedding.
Find a few moments every day when you can do that simple exercise, and you’ll find the stress easing away and the smile and wonderment of it all taking its place.
Let Depression Float Away
Face it, we all get depressed sometimes, that’s simply part of being human. The danger comes when we dwell in that depression and don’t walk forward. As in the earlier step, find some alone time, five minutes will do, but do it regularly. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, then let it out slowly. As you breathe out, focus on the reason(s) you are depressed or where in your body you are feeling bad. Now imagine that feeling traveling out and away from you with each breath. Breathe in, focus on the feeling, then breathe out imagining the bad feeling going away from you and that void being filled with happiness.
That little exercise may seem strange, but it’s powerful, what you’re doing is allowing your subconscious to work to your benefit, instead of against you. Your subconscious can help you achieve anything you want in life, and certainly can be used to alleviate depression or tension. Believe it, practice it daily and you’ll find your mind can focus much easier on the positive aspects of your coming nuptials.
Delegate Don’t Be a Control Freak
Planning a wedding, especially if you’re trying to do it all yourself can be overwhelming, but you don’t have to go it alone, instead, delegate. Certainly, there are items on your to-do list that only you can accomplish, but there are many others that can be passed to friends, family, vendors or yes, even the groom. Explain clearly and concisely what you want to be done, then trust that person to accomplish the task. Once you’ve delegated, you’ll find you are much freer to concentrate on the big decisions, the ones that only you can make.
Take a Break
Sure, there are a million and one things to do, but not all of them have to happen today. If you’re feeling stressed, take a break, have a night out with the girls, read a book, see a movie, do anything except plan for your wedding. Give your mind and your emotions time to regenerate.
Don’t Get Angry Get Counseling
Marriage counseling is usually reserved for couples with trouble in their relationship, but it can also be a preventative measure. If you’re wondering how your significant other feels about a certain item you need to have a frank and honest discussion concerning it. This conversation needs to happen with a level head, without yelling, without anger and with time for both of you to answer fully. Unfortunately, this isn’t always as easy as it sounds and if that’s the case, pre-marriage counseling can work wonders. Don’t for a moment feel this spells disaster or that your relationship is in trouble; you’re simply talking to a professional in a non-threatening environment about matters that could affect the rest of your life.
Now then, what about after the wedding, after the honeymoon, when it’s time to set up the house and start living your new life. It can be overwhelming, and few make the transition to married life without a few stumbling blocks. Here a few ways to:
Beat the Post-Wedding Blues
At the beginning of this article we spoke of a beautiful path filled with beauty, flowers, wildlife and gentle breezes. The perfect journey with our wedding day as the destination? When you walk a journey that is filled with so many beautiful things to see, experience and accomplish, often the destination seems pale in comparison. It’s akin to taking a wonderful vacation, then being sad and depressed when it’s time to return home to what makes me a cold winter’s day. That’s a natural feeling, and you need not be worried, it simply stages two of the journey, which will be filled with even more spectacular events, but not necessarily spaced so closely together as planning for your wedding. This, for many, is a transitional time, a time when we adjust to new plans, new challenges and simply the living of life.
Many new brides have after wedding blues and they may last from a few days to a few months, depending on the person. It makes sense if you think about it, for possibly a year or more your life has been consumed with planning for your wedding, then boom, it’s over in one fell swoop, and life rushes in to fill the space. These are simple human emotions and to be expected. The trick is to focus on the future, your life together, the goals you both have, the family you expect to raise, the home you’ll build together. Here are a few ideas on how to accomplish just that.
Don’t Rush Off To The Honeymoon
Yes, of course, you’re going to have a wonderful honeymoon with hours of togetherness, possibly in an exotic location, that’s a given. What isn’t a given is whether or not you have to immediately rush out the church door, wipe off the rice that was thrown, then jump in the “Just Married” car and drive to the airport. Instead, take a breath, enjoy your family and friends for a day or two, let the emotions of the big day subside just a bit before flying off on your honeymoon. Sounds simple, in fact it is, we call it, “The Buffer Zone,” but it’s simply a time to relax, unwind and truly appreciate all the work and planning that went into your big day.
Time Off After The Honeymoon
If at all possible, don’t plan your honeymoon so that you return on Sunday, then go back to work on Monday, that’s a sure plan for stress. Like “The Buffer Zone” mentioned above, take a few days to decompress before returning to the fast-paced work-a-day world we live in. They’ll be plenty of time for work and routine, but right now, enjoy the togetherness of being newlyweds for a bit longer.
Sharing and Caring
If you have the blues, don’t hide it, share it with your husband. Too many times couples don’t communicate their feelings, and this can lead to problems further down the line. If you share, if you open up to each other, both the positive and negative, you’ll find this can often bring you even closer. Life is filled with both joy and sadness, it’s simply part of the journey, walk through it together and it will only make you stronger, both as an individual and a couple.
For six months or a year, you’ve been planning, then planning some more. Making a schedule, amending schedules, calling vendors, changing vendors, paying vendors, you’ve been busy, busy, but now it’s over. Is it any wonder you feel empty and devoid of purpose? You’ve been effectively the CEO of an organization; now there is no job left to perform, that is unless you make one.
Don’t sit around, plan. What you plan is not as important as staying active, a day with mom, a lunch date with your BFF, volunteering in the community. Keep your mind and your schedule full of interesting and challenging activities, some with your husband, some with your friends, some alone. The key is balance and having a purpose in your life.
There’s an old expression that fits perfectly here, “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” We wish you happiness and a life filled with interesting challenges. Hey, you planned your wedding, there’s no end to what you can accomplish if you simply set your mind to it.